I like threes. There is a fundamental drawing principle called ‘triangulation’- where you’re always comparing one part of the drawing to two other parts, thus creating a triangle of reference. So I figured a Part III was in order.
I love my children... and sometimes I want to ‘strangle them.’ Not literally but you parent types know the feeling. In their search for limits my repeated ‘No’s’ have the unfortunate corollary in me discovering my limits. I have yet to witness that as being a pretty sight.
But for some reason, very early on I was blessed with the idea that the ‘solution’ was not to yell less, or punish less severely, or remove whatever behavior I was exhibiting. Partially because I noticed that the more I concentrated on removing that behavior- the more I did it! So I made a decision to consciously create positive experiences with my kids. I needed to initiate play times. I needed to learn about their toys and become interested in what they liked. I needed to engage them in conversation and share things with them. I had hit upon the ‘Balance Sheet’ idea long before I even knew what a Balance Sheet was (which, on a side note, seems true of many ‘Big Ideas’- the break throughs are often when someone was able to codify and articulate something they had been doing intuitively all along.).
What I’ve found is that often the best (or most convenient) times to initiate those interactions are in place of the previously listed negative behaviors. If I find myself frustrated with my kids and the anxiety is rising- I try to take a quick stock of how often I’ve initiated positive contact with them. I often find a correlation, and I’m getting better at substituting positive behavior rather than reacting with negative behavior. Or at the very least I try to follow up negative behavior with positive interaction.
[HEY!!! WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT! BE QUIET!!!! CALM DOWN!!!! KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER!!! BEHAVE- CAN’T YOU SEE I’M TRYING TO WRITE A BLOG, HERE?!!!!!!!]
.....*sigh*
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