Given my fascination with new connections, new thoughts, new conceptualizations I noticed myself getting almost giddy at the thought that something as boring as boredom could actually be a tool to gaining new insights. Before I go on with my own analysis, however, I want to continue a quote from Robert Irwin that I started in Part I, where he was talking about taking several catnaps while engaging in the rather boring activity of sitting and looking at rather minimal paintings for several hours/days at a time. He continues by saying:
“Boredom is a very good tool. Because whenever you play creative games, what you normally do is you bring to the situation all your aspirations, all your assumptions, all your ambitions- all your stuff. And then you pile it up on your painting, reading into the painting all the things you want it to be. I’m sure it’s the same with writing; you load it up with all your illusions about what it is. Boredom’s a great way to break that. You do the same thing over and over and over again, until you’re bored stiff with it. Then all your illusions, aspirations, everything just drains off. And now what you see is what you get. Nothing more. A is A and B is B. A is not plus plus plus all these other things. It’s just A.”
Now, Robert Irwin was after a kind of ultimate objectivity. He was fascinated with pure perception and was troubled with, for example, abstract paintings that people could ‘see’ things in- much the same way that we look at clouds and see shapes that resemble bunnies, or ice cream cones, or whatever. He wanted a pure experience prompted from some thing (the artwork) that was nothing else but what it was.
However, I’ve always felt that the most valuable aspect of art was as an aid to self-reflection. So I also want to point out a side benefit to the process Robert Irwin described above. In seeing ‘A’ for ‘A’ and ‘B’ for ‘B’, I think we’ll also get a clearer picture of all of our ‘stuff’ that previously got in the way. To couch it in my earlier terminology- we’ll be able to see more clearly our Platforms that we’re ‘standing’ on. But we’ll see them not as the veritable truth that we previously hung our hat on but as something that distorted our perceptions- something that could actually be wrong... or even... expendable. Our perspective shifts a little because something as inane as boredom resensitizes us to see truth more clearly- a truth that doesn’t rely on our previous assumptions and aspirations.
So, to all my fellow ‘Dwellers’- I urge you to actively cultivate boredom. When you’re bored with the passage, read it again. If nothing new is coming to you DO NOT make something up- that just loads more ‘stuff’ onto it that obscures insights into truth. Just sit with it, accept ‘nothingness’ if nothing is coming to you, and allow boredom the time it needs to peel the subjective from the objective.
And for any other situation you may face, especially one of uncertainty, unless it is absolutely necessary to make a decision regarding something, you might try just letting the uncertainty float for awhile, until you’re bored stiff with looking at the same options, the same data, the same ‘unclarity’. I’m positive that boredom will prove fruitful, that you will see A and B more clearly, that you will see yourself more clearly, and that you’ll ultimately be better off for it.
To close, ponder one more quote from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:
“He’s interested. ‘What’s it going to be like?’
But there’s a slight ego gleam in his eyes as he asks this and the answer as a result comes out masked.”
11.19.2008
11.18.2008
Experience Forgiveness
I want to make you feel bad. I know, that’s probably not the ‘right’ thing to say but to a large extent it’s true. I would love for you to feel absolutely horrible about yourself. We’re all pretty adept at denying, so I’m searching for ways to throw your sin up in your face so that there is no room for denial. So you are faced with the fact that you’re a wretched person- to the point where you don’t know how to deal with it or what you’re going to do with yourself.
Sound a little harsh? Do I sound vindictive? Judgmental? Probably- which is why I haven’t pursued this as a course of action... yet. But the desire is still there. It’s just a question of getting across my motives.
You see, I’ve had a few moments like that- where my foundation was shattered. I couldn’t believe I had done what I did- yet there was no way I could deny it. When my ‘platform’ consisted a great deal of me being a ‘good person’- I mean, I grew up in the church, I was a leader in my youth group, I had never done drugs, never gotten drunk, etc., etc.- then when I was faced with the undeniable fact that I had caused someone I cared deeply for a tremendous amount of pain, I could not justify myself as a ‘good person.’ I had kicked myself off the Good Person Platform. And the question that haunted me was: If I’m not a Good Person, what am I?
Sound a little harsh? Do I sound vindictive? Judgmental? Probably- which is why I haven’t pursued this as a course of action... yet. But the desire is still there. It’s just a question of getting across my motives.
You see, I’ve had a few moments like that- where my foundation was shattered. I couldn’t believe I had done what I did- yet there was no way I could deny it. When my ‘platform’ consisted a great deal of me being a ‘good person’- I mean, I grew up in the church, I was a leader in my youth group, I had never done drugs, never gotten drunk, etc., etc.- then when I was faced with the undeniable fact that I had caused someone I cared deeply for a tremendous amount of pain, I could not justify myself as a ‘good person.’ I had kicked myself off the Good Person Platform. And the question that haunted me was: If I’m not a Good Person, what am I?
The answer was: I’m forgiven.
Oh sure, intellectually we know that we are sinners and that we’re forgiven. But try pointing out a specific sin to someone and watch the justifications, denials, and counter-accusations fly! It’s like a fireworks show! (And from a social sciences perspective it is a fascinating show to watch.) Because existing side by side with the ‘confession’ of being a ‘sinner’ is the conviction that “I’m a ‘Good Person’.” I’m Ok. I can point out any number of good things I do and the (generally longer) list of bad things I don’t do. I can point out all those character traits in other people that I don’t share.
And so we build up our platform. Our Good Person Platform. And it’s so well crafted and sturdily constructed. And it becomes like an office, with a large, wooden desk and a plush leather chair. There are plants and a bookshelf with a fine collection of books. There are pictures of our loved ones on the desk. Everything is nice and neat and orderly. And on the wall, in a cheap frame, is a piece of paper saying “I’m a sinner and I was forgiven,” displayed like a certificate showing that you ‘graduated’ from a two-day class on how to use Microsoft Excel. There it is. There is our ‘confession.’
The difference between that kind of confession, and a brutally honest facing-of-the-facts is like the difference between experiencing a beautiful sunset by yourself and someone telling you the colors they saw in a sunset- the experience just doesn’t translate.
The experience I want you to have is the experience of being forgiven. But you can’t have that experience until you really feel you have something to be forgiven- and for a brief while, that experience is horrible.
So I want you to feel horrible. I want you to see yourself (and your sin) clearly for the first time, so that you are utterly speechless, and utterly terrified. And I want you to close your eyes as the tears well up and you’re flooded with the realization that all your justifications fall short; terrified with the thought of what others might think of you. Wondering what all this means, feeling the free-fall sensation of not being who you thought you were. Then I want you to open your eyes... and see that I’m still there with you.
Experience forgiveness.
11.14.2008
Cultivating Boredom - Part I
Note: For this two-part blog I want to first propose some instructions for reading. First, find some rather mindless, repetitive, and/or boring task. Some examples may be mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, folding clothes-while NOT watching TV, or... painting a gazillion dots on dominoes that have been painted on canvas (I can supply you with ample opportunity for this last item, if you’re interested.). Read over the quotes on this first part right before performing that task, using the freed up mental space to reflect on the quotes. Then, read my comments on Part II (to be posted tomorrow). Finally, apply these thoughts by reviewing the ‘facts’ of any situation you feel needs to be worked through before engaging in any of the tasks mentioned above, again using the available mental activity to reflect on your situation. Repeat that last step as necessary until something materializes.
I’m borderline obsessive on connections. What I mean is, I tend to read a ton of (often) different material, and the things I live for are those moments when some idea presented in one book, seems to sound an awful lot like an idea put forth in another book, which, in turn, corresponds to something going on in my life. The resultant web of connections brings new understanding, greater insight, and (hopefully) an increase in the effectiveness in my daily actions/interactions. There have been several such connections made in the past few months that have set me on new levels of hope and faith so I thought I’d share a specific example. So for Part I we’ll just look at the raw data. Consider the following quotes/situations:
Book I: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig.
“She seems so depressed sometimes by the monotony and boredom of her city life, I thought maybe in this endless grass and wind she would see a thing that sometimes comes when monotony and boredom are accepted.”
“The engine consists of a housing containing a power train, a fuel-air system, an ignition system, a feedback system and a lubrication system.
The power train consists of cylinders, pistons, connecting rods, a crankshaft and a flywheel.
The fuel-air system components, which are part of the engine, consist of a gas tank and filter, an air cleaner, a carburetor, valves, and exhaust pipes.
The ignition system consists of an alternator, a rectifier, a battery, a high voltage coil and spark plugs.
The feedback system consists of a cam chain, a camshaft, tappets and a distributor.
The lubrication system consists of…
The first thing to be observed about this description is so obvious you have to hold it down or it will drown out every other observation. This is: it’s just duller than ditchwater. Yah-da, yah-da, yah-da, yah-da, yah, carburetor, gear ratio, compression, yah-da-yah, pistons, plugs, intake, yah-da-yah, on and on and on… Dull, awkward and ugly…But if you can hold down that most obvious observation, some other things can be noticed that do not at first appear.”
“When cleaning I do it the way people go to church- not so much to discover anything new, although I’m alert for new things, but mainly to reacquaint myself with the familiar. It’s nice sometimes to go over familiar paths.
Zen has something to say about boredom. Its main practice of “just sitting” has got to be the world’s most boring activity…Yet in the center of all this boredom is the very thing Zen Buddhism seeks to teach. What is it? What is it at the very center of boredom that you’re not seeing?”
Book II: Seeing is Forgetting the Name of the Thing One Sees: A Life of Contemporary Artist Robert Irwin by Lawrence Weschler.
“I started spending the time just sitting there looking. I would look for about fifteen minutes and just nod off, go to sleep. I’d wake up after about five minutes, and I’d concentrate and look,… and I’d nock off again. It was a strange period. I’d go through days on end during which I’d be taking these little half-hour, fifteen-, twenty-minute catnaps about every half hour- I mean, all day long… It was a pretty hilarious sort of activity… I put myself in that disciplined position, and one of the tools I used was boredom.”
Personal Life Situation:
Dwelling in the Word. There may be a couple of you who read this that may not be familiar with this term. There are several churches in the area (and throughout the U.S./world(?)) that are going through a process called Partnership for Missional Church through an organization called Church Innovations. One of the core practices in this process (a process that lasts about 3 years) is called ‘Dwelling in the Word.’ We take a passage, and every time we meet together as a church, we spend time in that one passage for an entire year. It’s a practice that will often make you...bored with the particular passage.
Hhhhmmmmmmm.......
I’m borderline obsessive on connections. What I mean is, I tend to read a ton of (often) different material, and the things I live for are those moments when some idea presented in one book, seems to sound an awful lot like an idea put forth in another book, which, in turn, corresponds to something going on in my life. The resultant web of connections brings new understanding, greater insight, and (hopefully) an increase in the effectiveness in my daily actions/interactions. There have been several such connections made in the past few months that have set me on new levels of hope and faith so I thought I’d share a specific example. So for Part I we’ll just look at the raw data. Consider the following quotes/situations:
Book I: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig.
“She seems so depressed sometimes by the monotony and boredom of her city life, I thought maybe in this endless grass and wind she would see a thing that sometimes comes when monotony and boredom are accepted.”
“The engine consists of a housing containing a power train, a fuel-air system, an ignition system, a feedback system and a lubrication system.
The power train consists of cylinders, pistons, connecting rods, a crankshaft and a flywheel.
The fuel-air system components, which are part of the engine, consist of a gas tank and filter, an air cleaner, a carburetor, valves, and exhaust pipes.
The ignition system consists of an alternator, a rectifier, a battery, a high voltage coil and spark plugs.
The feedback system consists of a cam chain, a camshaft, tappets and a distributor.
The lubrication system consists of…
The first thing to be observed about this description is so obvious you have to hold it down or it will drown out every other observation. This is: it’s just duller than ditchwater. Yah-da, yah-da, yah-da, yah-da, yah, carburetor, gear ratio, compression, yah-da-yah, pistons, plugs, intake, yah-da-yah, on and on and on… Dull, awkward and ugly…But if you can hold down that most obvious observation, some other things can be noticed that do not at first appear.”
“When cleaning I do it the way people go to church- not so much to discover anything new, although I’m alert for new things, but mainly to reacquaint myself with the familiar. It’s nice sometimes to go over familiar paths.
Zen has something to say about boredom. Its main practice of “just sitting” has got to be the world’s most boring activity…Yet in the center of all this boredom is the very thing Zen Buddhism seeks to teach. What is it? What is it at the very center of boredom that you’re not seeing?”
Book II: Seeing is Forgetting the Name of the Thing One Sees: A Life of Contemporary Artist Robert Irwin by Lawrence Weschler.
“I started spending the time just sitting there looking. I would look for about fifteen minutes and just nod off, go to sleep. I’d wake up after about five minutes, and I’d concentrate and look,… and I’d nock off again. It was a strange period. I’d go through days on end during which I’d be taking these little half-hour, fifteen-, twenty-minute catnaps about every half hour- I mean, all day long… It was a pretty hilarious sort of activity… I put myself in that disciplined position, and one of the tools I used was boredom.”
Personal Life Situation:
Dwelling in the Word. There may be a couple of you who read this that may not be familiar with this term. There are several churches in the area (and throughout the U.S./world(?)) that are going through a process called Partnership for Missional Church through an organization called Church Innovations. One of the core practices in this process (a process that lasts about 3 years) is called ‘Dwelling in the Word.’ We take a passage, and every time we meet together as a church, we spend time in that one passage for an entire year. It’s a practice that will often make you...bored with the particular passage.
Hhhhmmmmmmm.......
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